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New York City Mayor Michael Bloomberg has outlawed the “Big Gulp”. From now on if you want a soft drink in New York, the largest one you can buy is 16 oz. He stated that the reason he took this step was that he is worried about obesity and that half of New York is overweight. Studies found that about half of the city drink one sugary drink a day.
Here, here Mayor Bloomberg! You are on the right track - but don’t stop there! I have some other ideas about how to fight obesity. To begin with make it illegal to wear Spandex. Even more than the Big Gulp, Spandex encourages us overweight people to stay that way because we can ignore the tightness of our pants. Spandex gives us the feeling that we can still wear clothes, so why drop a few pounds? After all, I can still get ‘dressed’ and go out in public. In fact with a Spandex ban heavy people couldn’t even go out to buy a Big Gulp.
Another way to slow up the growing gut of America is to install a scale at the cash register of every retail store and base the sales tax on the percentage you are overweight! For instance, a visual scanner takes my weight and height and computes what I should weigh. If I am 17.2% over the suggested weight for my size then I pay 17.2% sales tax. What an awesome way to fill up the depleted government coffers and encourage people to lose weight at the same time. We could add another 5% when the assessment shows that people smoke or drink, or own a gun! Let’s tax our way to thin, healthy people.
I am so thankful for people like Mayor Bloomberg. He is smart enough to know what’s good for me. In fact, food police, tobacco police, alcohol police, firearm police, seatbelt police, saturated fat police, etc., etc. – they are all smarter than I am. Aren’t they?
Sports Illustrated has a segment in every issue entitled, “You know Armageddon is coming when…” followed by some outrageous quote or comment from the world of sports each week. We would have to classify this one as “You know socialism is coming when… “the Mayor of one of the largest cities in the United States devotes time to banning that denizen of demoniac possession – The Big Gulp".
Gotta run - there is a sale in Pueblo. Buy five pair of Spandex and get a free two liter bottle of sugary death and destruction - can’t wait…